


99 problems and none of them are you (sadly)

by letskeepitasecret



Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany), SKAM (France), SKAM (Italy), SKAM (Norway), SKAM (Spain), WTFock | Skam (Belgium)
Genre: F/F, M/M, Multi, Skam Multiverse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:08:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23820583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/letskeepitasecret/pseuds/letskeepitasecret
Summary: This is a Skam multiverse fanfiction, where all the main characters from season 3 are going to the same school. I was wondering what's the chemistry would be like between all the Evans and Isaks if they ended up in one place.It starts as Isak's POV. I kept some events and plots from earlier seasons and made up some too. I will include more characters as the story progresses.TW: story revolves heavily around mental health issues.I recommend listening to this playlist when reading -click here!
Relationships: Cris Soto Peña / Joana Bianchi Acosta, Eliott Demaury/Lucas Lallemant, Even Bech Næsheim/Isak Valtersen, Matteo Florenzi/David (Druck), Niccolò Fares/Martino Rametta, Sander Driesen/Robbe IJzermans
Comments: 7
Kudos: 22





	1. 1.

It was the first day at the new school for Isak and he hated everything about it. He came to a new country, he left his friends and he left his old life. Lately, it felt like too much. He slowly felt like slipping out of his old life and no one seemed to notice or care. And his mom got worse. Isak couldn’t handle living in the house where his mom spent endless hours crying in and couldn’t handle living with his friends moving forward with their lives while he was stuck.  
He took the first opportunity to study abroad in some old town in Europe no one heard of. His dad paid the tuition and rent for the apartment he shared with two other students.  
Since he arrived he couldn’t sleep at all. He wore the clothes he wore yesterday and the day before that and probably the day before that.  
Someone knocked on the door.  
\- Isak, we’re leaving now, do you want to come with us?  
It was David, he was a new student as well. He always wore black, always smiled and Isak felt like he understood him because he didn’t pressure him with the questions like others did.  
\- Yes, give me a second, please.  
Isak sprayed deodorant on top of his old and disgusting outfit and promised himself to shower and maybe do some laundry later today. Then he put a beanie on and walked out of the room he hasn’t left in almost a week.  
David and Robbe were going a bit ahead chatting about something. Isak felt like crap, but fresh air soothed his nerves. The morning sun on his face felt wonderful. He was looking around, noticing beautiful details of the architecture he didn’t notice before. There were not many people or cars around, just them three and occasional chirping birds.  
For the first time in months, Isak felt like he could breathe, like the black cloud in his head thinned out just enough so he could notice the world around him.  
He noticed a tall guy in a hoodie that was going in the same direction on the other side of the road. Suddenly he turned his head and his blue eyes pierced into Isak’s.  
Isak didn’t notice a fence around a tree, tripped and fell.  
\- Are you ok? – David helped him get on his feet.  
\- Yeah. – Isak searched the eyes that made him trip but he was already far ahead. – Fuck.  
***  
The first day went in a blur. New faces, new names, new subjects, everything was chaotic and required energy and interest Isak lacked.  
After school Isak was laying on his bed in the dark, mindlessly scrolling through his facebook timeline.  
Someone gently knocked on the door.  
\- Yeah?  
\- Me and David are ordering some food, I’m just checking if you want something?  
\- No, thank you.  
\- Ok…  
Robbe stood there for a moment.  
\- We’re playing xbox, maybe you want to hang out with us for a bit?  
\- Ok, I’ll come out in a minute.  
The timeline of his facebook showed his friends living fun and busy life without him and it was hard to look away.  
He got a text from his mom that made his heart ache. It was some verb from the bible he could hardly make sense of... But he read it 5 times anyway.  
Isak made a deep breath, forced himself to put his phone down. Then there was sudden emptiness that came after and Isak never knew how to deal with it in a healthy way. He heard laughter in a living room and remembered that he told Robbe he would hang out with them.  
He opened the door and the warm light of the living room blinded his eyes for a second. Robbe and David were playing xbox. There were pizza and beer on the coffee table and the smell of food made Isak realize that he doesn’t remember the last time he has eaten.  
He sat on the couch.  
\- How are you doing? – asked Robbe, looking at Isak.  
He was trying to hide his concern. Isak never left his room. He would only come out to go to the bathroom and he only went when it felt like he couldn’t hold it any longer.  
\- I’m… - Isak and made some weird movement with his shoulders. – Fine. Just feel a bit tired lately.  
\- We ordered you some food.  
\- You didn’t have to. – Isak felt like his cheeks start burning with embarrassment.  
\- You need to eat. – David said in a quite straightforward manner. Then he looked at Isak and smiled with such warmth that paid off for his sudden harshness. – We don’t want you to die there.  
If someone else said it some other time Isak would tell them to fuck off and mind their own business, but tonight he felt too tired and defeated and David seemed like he genuinely didn’t want him to die. Instead of replying, he reached for the pizza and it was met with the sound of approval from both David and Robbe.

***  
It was 10:04 am and Isak was outside. He was sitting on the bench in a quiet park near their apartment. Robbe and David were in school.  
Isak couldn’t bring himself to go to classes right now. It felt heavy in his head. He promised himself that even if he skips school he will go outside for at least half an hour, so he was here now.  
Everything made Isak pissed lately. He shouted at Robbe for using blender this morning, cause it woke him up. He felt shitty right after, Robbe apologized which made him feel even worse. He went right back to bed, covering his head with the covers and waiting for Robbe and David to go away, so he could use the bathroom and kitchen because he felt awkward to meet them now.  
He looked at the sky that seemed shattered with naked branches from trees. Rain clouds were moving smoothly and he made a deep breath in.  
Breathe out.  
He felt a bit better now.  
He will apologize to Robbe. He will clean and make something to eat to make up for that. He will have to go to the grocery store. He stood up and realized he doesn’t know where the grocery store is. He never went to one. Robbe and David bought everything, usually. But none of them were particularly good at this and they ran out of food pretty quickly and the fridge was empty.  
He decided to go around their building.  
He put headphones on. It was a chilly morning and gentle wind was playing with his hair.  
His thoughts went to the stranger he saw the first day he went to school.  
Suddenly he saw him again walking on the other side just like the first time. His skin suddenly felt electric, extra sensitive. He turned his head away and saw a grocery store right beside him. He gave the last look to the stranger and went inside. He took a basket and went between stacked shelves, getting some basic groceries. He collected some veggies, bought a dressing and some spices. He was picking some apples when he saw the stranger right in front of him, near the cashier choosing the cigarettes.  
Isak went to the cashier and put his basket in front of her, when stranger stood behind him holding a single pack of cigs.  
A cashier, a young woman with heavy goth makeup didn’t give Isak a single look, but straight away gave all her attention to the stranger.  
\- Hey, is that it? Let’s do this first then so you don’t wait.  
Isak watched as the stranger went in front of him and paid for his cigs. He turned over and smiled at him. Isak’s heart was beating so loud, he must’ve heard it.  
\- I think we go to the same school.  
The guy stood by Isak, while the cashier was checking his groceries and putting them in a bag.  
Isak forgot how to talk, he was just looking at him, not knowing how to be. He was a head shorter than him and he wasn’t even that short.  
\- I’m Even.  
Isak looked him in the eye and begged his brain to let him talk.  
\- Uhm… I’m Isak.  
\- Nice to meet you.  
\- Yeah.  
Cashier coughed and Isak almost jumped. He looked at her and gave her his card. She swiped it.  
\- It’s declined  
Isak’s heart sank.  
\- It must be a mistake, can you try it again?  
Cashier did it again, looking annoyed.  
\- Still declined.  
Isak felt as if his face was on fire, there were so many thoughts circling in his head, making him want to throw up. Is that a mistake? Dad said he would put money on his card yesterday.  
\- Are you going to pay or what?  
\- No problem, I’ll pay. - Even said smiling peacefully.  
\- No…  
\- It’s no problem – repeated Even. He took out his wallet, took out cash, and handed it to a cashier who gave him a flirty smile.  
Isak watched helplessly as a cashier gave him change back and Even taking his groceries and heading for the exit.  
\- Are you coming?  
Even looked at him, smiled and gave him his bag. They left the store and started walking towards Isak’s building.  
\- Thank you. – Isak still couldn’t believe it was happening. – And thank you…  
\- I said it’s no problem.  
\- No, I’ll repay you. I thought my dad…  
\- It’s ok. – Even smiled at him again.  
Isak couldn’t help but smile back.  
\- What do you need so much food for?  
\- I want to cook something today.  
\- Do you cook?  
\- Kind of…  
\- Interesting.  
\- Interesting what?  
\- Never would think that a guy looking like you would cook.  
\- Looking like me?  
Suddenly Isak’s stomach sank. He lost so much weight because sometimes he felt too depressed to eat. He never realized that he had insecurities about his weight loss, but he did.  
\- Yeah, you look too cool to cook.  
\- Me?  
\- Yeah. You look too mysterious for that.  
\- That doesn’t make any sense. Well, I’m not good at it anyway.  
\- Ooh… Okay.  
They were passing the park and were close to Isak's, when Even asked:  
\- Why did you transfer here in the middle of the year?  
Isak took a long pause to think about an answer. Every one he would choose would be a half-truth.  
\- I don’t know how to answer that… Just wanted a fresh start. We are already here.  
Even looked at Isak and said:  
\- Maybe I could help you with the pasta and then watch some tv? If you don’t have any plans?  
Isak smiled widely on the inside, but he kept his cool, gave him a small nod, and said ‘of course’.  
The went up to their apartment and Isak suddenly realized that it’s a mess there. He panicked but it was already too late, they both entered.  
\- Nice place. – said Even looking around.  
\- Thanks.  
They entered the kitchen, There were dirty dishes in the sink and the table was full of rubbish.  
\- It’s a mess. – Isaak looked at Even and sighed.  
\- Yeah well… I’ll start with the dishes.  
\- Ok.  
Evan was washing dishes and Isak was cleaning up the table. They were talking like they knew each other for a long time. It was not awkward or forced at all, despite the twists in the stomach Isak felt every time he caught Even’s eyes on him. When they cleaned up they started cooking. Evan cut the veggies for the salad and Isak made pasta.  
Then they were watching Netflix show. Isak found himself laughing at Even’s jokes he wouldn’t find funny if they came out of anybody else. It was weird that it all went so smoothly when they only met.  
Isak hasn’t felt so carefree in a while. He didn’t realize that it was already 5 p.m when Robbe and David came home. They came with bags full of groceries and looked surprised to see Isak not only out of his room but also hanging out with someone other than his phone.  
\- You are the guy that did that movie with Putin and captain America right? – David’s face lighten up when he recognized Even.  
\- Yeah.  
Then David and Even started talking about his movie, and then some other indie films and then their favorite indie directors and so on. Isak couldn’t follow their conversation so he went to the kitchen and found Robbe putting groceries away.  
\- Hey Robbe, I’m so sorry for today. – Started Isak.  
\- It’s nothing.  
\- I’m such an asshole to you guys.  
\- We all have these days, don’t worry. You want? – Robbe offered him beer.  
\- Thank you. We made pasta for you.  
\- Great! Um... How are you doing?  
Isak stopped for a second. He could’ve gone with ‘I’m ok’ like he used to, but Robbe looked at him like he would understand, so he sighed and told the truth. Almost all of it.  
\- I’m not fine to be honest. Everything is too much. I thought I would get better when I’m far away from my problems. But I guess I’m a problem. I’m a big fucking mess. And I cannot get any weed here so it’s driving me fucking crazy.  
Robbe looked at him with so much empathy and understanding that Isak felt on the verge of tears. He felt like something big stuck in his throat. He drank from a beer bottle, trying to swallow it. He hadn’t cried for months. He felt evergrowing emptiness inside, he felt so numb and too tired to care, too tired to feel. But he still couldn’t let himself cry with almost a stranger, no matter how kind he is.  
\- I felt like this before but never this… Bad. I guess I need help. – Isak looked down. He fought his tears as they were coming.  
\- There’s nothing to be ashamed of. We all need help sometimes.  
\- What should I do?  
Isak felt like a kid who needed some clear directions. Robbe looked up, thinking.  
\- Well for starters… We need to figure out how to get weed. It is driving us all crazy.  
Isak chuckled and sniffed his nose. Then he looked away and wiped his eyes, cause they were getting dangerously wet.  
\- Haven’t you thought about therapy?  
Therapy. Isak felt like admitting he needs therapy would make him crazy like his mom.  
\- I’ll think about it.  
\- Ok, good.  
They were interrupted by Even and David, who came to the kitchen, still talking about some movies no one heard of. They were so engaged in the conversation, that they didn’t notice Isak on the verge of tears. He sneaked to the bathroom and as soon as he closed the door tears started rolling out of him. He was holding onto the sink. He heard guys talking and laughing outside and he felt so incredibly overwhelmingly sad, but somehow it felt better than feeling nothing at all.  
\- Fuck… Fuck…  
His mind was overwhelmed with images. Him and his dad arguing, him leaving home, coming back to his mother crying, and his father leaving, him waking up to his mother crying and going to school, coming back to his mom still crying and in bed. Him trying to get his mom to eat and take her medicine. Him trying to hug her and her shrugging him off like it was hurting her. Him calling his father and his father not picking up. Him failing almost all of his classes because he couldn’t concentrate. Him betraying his friend because he fell in love with her boyfriend. Him confessing and being turned down. Him being outed, him feeling shame, him feeling overwhelmed…  
It all suddenly came out in the form of tears and Isak couldn’t stop them if he tried. He tried to do it quietly, scared to death someone could hear him. He was shaking, his hands were gripping on the sink so hard it started shaking with him.  
He was standing there crying for at least 20 minutes. Then he took a couple of deep breaths, looking in the mirror. He looked a mess, his whole face puffy and eyes red. He made sure no one was outside the bathroom when he came out. By the sound of it, Even went home and only Robbe and David were in the living room. He went to his room. He noticed a sticker on his door. It said:  
“Thank you for hanging out 😊 . – Even’  
And his number. Isak realized he was smiling.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys, I decided to write a little extra chapter for Isak, because the next one was going to be from other pov, and there were some inconsistencies and I'm working on them currently. Also Isak's chapter didn't feel complete to me so yeah...  
> Also here's a playlist of songs that helped me to get inspired to start writing this, I recommend giving it a listen while reading -[click here to play](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLiT9hyMvqc3IHU3EE-fRBwj0xoY198m0s)  
> I said earlier that only the Isaks and Evens were going to the same school, but I added Noor from WTFock cause she's very pretty. uwu.
> 
> Question: so you know queer dating pool perks? I would like to pair some isaks with different evens or maybe even with other isaks, I don't know yet. Just to make things interesting and it's temporarily before they get with their endgames (or will they?). Which couple would you like to see before they end up with their true soulmates? I have my ideas but I would love to read your suggestions.

They were going to school and Isak felt the best he felt in a long time. He spent the whole evening texting Even, figuring out his favorite bands, favorite movies and so on. He fell asleep waiting for the next reply from Even and woke up to a mini comic Even drew of them, with the hilariously drawn bitchy cashier, them both going home and making pasta. It ended with ‘wanna hang out after school?’ text on a drawn iphone.  
He replied with simple ‘yes’ that didn’t and couldn’t express his excitement. And he should repay Even for the groceries he bought for him yesterday. But his dad still didn’t put anything into his account. He didn’t reply to any of his missing calls as well, which wasn’t that unusual.  
Still he hoped his dad would follow through his promises till his date with Even. Is it going to be a date though?  
\- I found some guy who could get us weed. – Said Robbe and Isak felt the wave of relief. Everything is better with weed.  
\- Great! When?  
\- Tomorrow he is going to buy some from his dealer and he said he can sell it to us with a 20% markup but it still would be cheaper than if we try to buy it somewhere else…  
\- That’s bullshit. – said Isak. – We can try to get it straight from the locals.  
\- Me and David already tried. Prices are insane.  
\- What do you think David? – asked Isak. David was unusually gloomy and silent today. He went for a run before school as he does usually and came back all tense and quiet.  
\- Yeah. – replied David sharply. He was looking on his phone and radiated angry vibes. Suddenly his phone started ringing and David looked disgusted as he was looking at the screen. – I need to go, sorry guys.  
And then he turned and walked away. Isak and Robbe looked at each other confused.  
\- What’s up with him? – asked Isak as they continued walking to school.  
Robbe seemed like he knew something, but couldn’t tell.  
\- Probably some family problems.  
\- Ok, well… So you want to buy it from him then? How much would it cost? My dad forgot to put money on my card, so I don’t know if I can buy it tomorrow…  
\- Yeah, I was thinking maybe we could go to a party today they are throwing today for international students. Maybe we can get something there or at least find out the prices.  
\- I can’t. – Isak blushed as he remembered he was going to meet with Even today. – I promised to hang out with Even today.  
\- He’s a cool dude. Maybe we can all go to the party then?  
Isak didn’t want to, But to admit that was to admit he was into Even and that he was into guys.  
\- Sure, maybe.  
They had classes together, Isak sat with Sander. All his thoughts were with Even, he was remembering all the little things he said, all the little details he shared.  
They saw David on a lunch break in the cafeteria. He seemed his usual self, he was hanging out with come girls Isak didn’t know and with Even. David smiled at them as they came to sit with them.  
David introduced them to the girls, but Isak didn’t pay attention. He was too distracted by the presence of Even and he felt a slight sting of jealousy because Even seemed to be too engaged in his conversation with David to pay attention to him.  
\- You are from Belgium too? – a girl sitting close to Isak asked Robbe. Isak noticed that she was super pretty with a short bob and huge brown eyes.  
\- Yeah, I am. You too?  
\- Yeah! What town are you from?  
Then they started talking dutch Isak tried to follow the conversation David and Even had.  
\- I’m thinking of doing a movie about aliens and it is going to be similar to the movie we were talking about, but I want to focus more on the dialogues…  
\- Which camera would you use?  
\- Whichever I would get my hands on. But I would probably throw some grainy effects to make it better.  
Isak realized that Even was not only sitting really close to that one girl, but she was holding his hand too. Even noticed where Isak was looking and smiled at him. Isak didn’t return it.  
\- You guys are both from Norway, right? – the girl asked, smiling.  
\- Yeah. – Isak said trying to not look at Even.  
\- I would love to go to Norway one day. – said the girl and smiled at Even. Then the girl moved closer to Even and gave him a kiss on a cheek – The nature seems really lovely there.  
\- Yeah, it is! By the way I wanted to show you guys one place after school, it’s really nice there. Isak you said you could go right?  
Isak nod his head, still not looking at Even. How could he think that someone like Even would be interested in him? He felt angry at himself for building his own hopes up. Even was just trying to be friendly with him, he was just looking out for another student from his home country.  
\- Are you going to the party then? – the girl with the bob called Noor asked. – Please come after, I don’t want to be alone there.  
\- We will come. – assured her the girl holding Even.  
\- I’ll definitely come. – said David. – It’s a bit boring in this town, isn’t it?  
Everyone agreed.  
***  
Isak was in his room feeling exhausted. He went to the place Even said he was going to show them. The girl was with them too. It was a little cave near the river, they hung out there for a while, then Even and the girl, who’s name was Sara left to go to the party and Isak went home. And still, it was good to hang out with Even. And Sara was nice to him too.  
Isak felt like he dangerously close to repeat the same shit he did with Eva and Jonas.  
He sat in the darkness of his room, the only light was from the screen of the laptop, where he stalked Even’s insta. He uploaded a story of them, David and Robbe dancing and shouting words to some dumb song.  
He got a skype call. It was Eva.  
\- Hey! – Eva smiled awkwardly when she saw Isak’s face.  
\- Do I look that bad?  
\- No! No. You just look different, but you look great, you look very… um… good!  
Isak smiled at the awkwardness. Despite everything that happened it felt good to see Eva’s face again, to see that she remembers his existence.  
Eva smiled back and the awkwardness melted away.  
\- Just not used to see you that grown-up I guess… We all grew up, but I didn’t notice it because I saw you so often, but we haven’t seen each other in a while, so… Yeah.  
\- Yeah. We’re getting old.  
\- We are. How are you doing Isak?  
\- I’m doing better. Did you cut your hair?  
Eva looked actually good with shorter hair. And she also had that softer expression look, the slight glow that made Isak wonder if her and Jonas are back together.  
\- You noticed! I did. Are you growing yours out?  
\- No. – Isak chuckled. – I’m going to hairdresser this weekend. Just been hectic lately.  
\- I see. You never told me you are going away.  
\- Yeah I didn’t know till the last minute so I…  
\- But who’s looking after your mom then? – Eva asked and then she looked sorry for asking.  
\- Dad pays some lady to look after her. – Said Isak feeling tightness in his throat again.  
\- I see. Well, how’s a new place?  
\- It’s good here actually. Really quiet and calm.  
Eva smiled an went real quiet.  
\- What? – Isak asked.  
\- You told me to not give up and transfer to a different school, remember?  
\- Your situation was different and I felt like an asshole for doing that to you. So I didn’t want it to affect you that much.  
\- Hm… ok. Well I just wanted to say that I don’t hold any grudge against you. You know we and Jonas just aren’t meant to be together. We wouldn’t work out even if you didn’t do what you did.  
\- Ok. Thanks, Eva. How’s Jonas? Still angry at me?  
Eva looked awkward again and Isak wanted to scream at her to tell him everything like it is.  
\- He is angry you didn’t give him a chance to talk to you after… you know. He says it made him feel like a prick.  
\- Well… I wasn’t feeling quite good myself.  
Someone opened a door in Eva’s room and she turned her head and smiled. A tall figure went behind Eva and gave her a hug. When he bent to give Eva a kiss Isak saw Chris’s face.  
\- Oh hi, Isak – Chris smiled and Eva gave Isak an ‘I know right?’ look cause Isak looked quite shocked. – Everything’s good?  
\- Yeah.  
His phone started ringing. It was his dad.  
\- I need to go guys. See you later.  
Isak picked up his phone.  
\- Hi Isak. I know I should’ve return your calls but work was crazy lately. I transferred some money today.  
\- Ok, thank God. I thought I had to turn to selling drugs to pay for my rent. – Isak said with audible spite in his voice.  
\- Don’t do it! Do you know the fucking laws there? – his dad sounded instantly angry. – Well… I wanted to talk to you about this as well.  
\- Ok?  
\- I won’t be able to give you as much money as I used to before for some while.  
\- And what am I supposed to do?  
\- Maybe you could find some job after school? When I was you age… Anyways. It is not going to be for long. I’ll just have to find some more projects and I will be able to fully support you… and your mom.  
When he mentioned his mom it felt like a small bomb of rage went off inside Isak.  
\- About your mom Isak… I need to tell you something.  
Isak tried to calm himself down by taking long breaths.  
\- She was admitted to a clinic. It is going to be better for everyone when she is taken care of 24/7.  
\- W-what?  
Isak couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

\- So that was your plan all along? Get rid of me and get rid of her, so you could…  
\- Isak! – his dad raised his voice. – It was her idea. It is going to be better for her. They will help her.  
Isak felt wet trails on his cheeks thinking about his mom.  
\- It was pricey to get her there. It’s the best clinic in the country. So I’m not able to give you as much money for now, but it will change soon. Just hold on for a while, ok?  
\- Ok. – said Isak feeling like the earth was spinning under him.  
\- Ok, good. I lo…  
Isak hung up.


	3. Chapter 3

Matteo ran out of money at a rate he wasn’t expecting. His nonna gave him enough to cover for a couple of months, but the prices here weren’t exactly low. Plus he smoked a hell lot of weed. He was often buying for his roommate too and he wasn’t too quick to give money back.  
So dealing came kind of naturally no him. He loved weed and he needed money.  
The problem was that he had a fuck ton of it on him now and he needed to sell it quick. He wasn’t comfortable having it for too long himself since he knew that it was punished quite heavily here.  
He hated going to parties though and he needed to if he wanted to get rid of it fast.  
Matteo was chilling in his room and smoking.  
\- Is Sander coming today? – asked Niccolo entering the room. He just showered and only wore a towel around his hips. Matteo’s eyes widened.  
\- Yeah.  
\- Great then we can all go to the party together, right?  
\- I guess. - Matteo sighed.  
\- You don’t sound too happy. – Nico crossed his muscular veiny arms. – Your boyfriend is coming to live with you after months of blue balling and you look like you ate a turd.  
\- That’s just me. – Matteo tried not to look at Niccolo’s perfect pecs with drops of water dripping down. – I always look like that.  
\- I guess I need to find noise-canceling headphones. Walls are pretty thin here.  
\- NICO…Can you put on something? Don’t stand there butt naked.  
With a swift motion of his hand, Nico ripped the towel off him and threw it over Matteo’s head.  
He was laughing as he left.  
\- Fucking hell Nico.  
Matteo was tomato red when he received a text from Sander telling him he was coming soon.  
Matteo felt anxiety building in him. He was scared to meet the boy he dreamt of meeting for so long. He was almost certain Sander thought he was someone else. He almost felt like catfishing him, although he didn’t. He just didn’t feel like he was good enough.  
He never did.  
A door rang and Nico opened it.  
\- Hey! Yes, I’m his roommate Nico. I heard so much about you. Nice to finally meet you!  
Matteo went to the door and saw Sander.  
\- Hi! - Matteo came up to him and gave him a hug.  
\- Hi.  
\- Hi! – Matteo said again.  
\- Hi. – Sander chuckled and hugged him again.  
They were looking at each other for a second, still in disbelief that it was happening.  
\- I already can’t stand you two. – Nico complained. - Let me show you the place and tell you the general rules. Matteo can fix us some coffee meanwhile, yeah?  
Then they were drinking coffee in the kitchen and Sander was mostly talking to Nico. Matteo couldn’t decide how he feels. It was great to finally see him after talking online for so long. But at the same time, Matteo expected something different. He couldn’t pinpoint what was wrong, but all the hours he spent imagining this moment weren’t matching this reality.  
Then Nico left to the bathroom and they were finally alone. They both didn’t know what to say and silence was growing a bit awkward.  
\- So here we are. – finally said Sander. He was smiling, while his eyes were tracing Matteo. – Nice shirt.  
Matteo chuckled. He felt extremely unfashionable sitting across Sander, who was dressed to impress. He looked good in skinny jeans, some designer hoodie and distressed denim jacket he took off.  
\- Are you going to insult me after spending hours to see me?  
\- No I’m serious. I love it. It's vintage...  
Then there was silence.  
\- I already tried 50 times to get him shopping. – Said Nico returning.  
Matteo shot him a look.  
\- What? You are lucky you are attractive. – said Nico.  
\- Well… I think fast fashion is evil. – said Sander. – It’s great you don’t participate. Plus I think your style is unique. You look… cozy.  
Nico chuckled.  
\- Thanks. – said Matteo not sure how to feel about it.  
\- I need to go to. It was nice to meet you Sander. There’s going to be a party today, Matteo knows the place, you should come after you rest.  
\- Sure, we’ll come.  
\- Ok, well… Have fun. - Nico left.  
\- Are you tired? – asked Matteo.  
\- No I slept on the plane. – said Sander.  
\- Good! I’ll help you unpack.  
They went to Matteo’s room. Sander suddenly stopped.  
\- Only one bed? – asked Sander.  
\- Well... yeah? – Matteo couldn’t understand what Sander implied by that.  
\- Let’s talk.  
\- Ok?  
\- Do you remember I said that we truly would get to know each other when we meet?  
\- Yeah and then you flew the whole Europe to meet me.  
\- That too. – Sander laughed. – But I want you to know that I take it seriously. I don’t want it to be... Awkward. I have to live here for a year after all. Let’s take things slow.  
\- I am all for that, yeah. But we still have one bed.  
Sander nodded looking at the bed.  
\- I guess we can sleep in one bed today, but we’re not having sex. Yet.  
\- You never asked if there’s one bed. I would prepare something if I knew you had an issue with that – said Matteo. He couldn’t help but feel a bit hurt.  
\- I know. I started thinking about it all on a plane. It actually scared the shit out of me then. I prayed you weren’t some 50 year old catfish serial killer.  
\- Well I am, sorry to disappoint you.  
Sander took Matteo's hands in his.  
\- I don’t want you to think that I’m not into you. I am. I just need time and I am scared shitless if I am being honest. Can you believe we are finally together?  
\- You never thought we would get that far, huh?  
Sander looked Matteo in the eye and shook his head no.  
\- I thought you were going to dump me much sooner.  
And he followed it with a gentle kiss.  
\- I almost did. –said Matteo breaking the kiss. – when you got that god awful tattoo.  
\- Fuck off! – Sander laughed pushing him off. – It was good for my first time. And I’m lasering it off anyways...  
\- Ok, ok. – said Matteo pulling Sander in for another kiss.  
Then they started unpacking Sander’s bags. After they were almost done, Matteo found a sketchbook.  
\- Can I look?  
Sander hugged him from behind and Matteo started looking through thick pages. They were sketches of s animals, street scenery and faces. He was in awe of Sander’s talent. Every drawing was realistic and almost alive. Then closer to the middle of the book, Matteo saw his own portraits appearing more and more often till there was nothing else drawn on the pages other than his face and uhm... his nudes too.  
\- How is it? – asked Sander when Matteo went through his works.  
\- Breathtaking. Like you. – Matteo kissed Sander in his neck. He felt flattered to see him looking so good in his drawings. – But I’m not as beautiful as you drew me.  
\- Yeah true, - said Sander quietly. He moved his head closer, his lips touching Matteo’s ear.- You are even more beautiful.  
Matteo turned around and kissed Sander. Sander deepened the kiss, pulling Matteo closer by his waist. They started making out more intensely, then Sander stepped back breathing heavily.  
\- No sex. – Said Matteo.  
\- Yeah. – Sander smiled like he was doubting his own rules. – Let’s wait for at least a week. And then...  
\- Ok. – simply said Matteo. Seeing Sander struggle to pull away from him went straight to his ego and he smiled despite realizing how long that week promised to be.  
\- I’m going to take a cold shower. And then we go to that stupid party.  
\- Awesome.  
***  
Matteo drank vodka straight from the bottle. Cold liquid covered his insides with uncomfortable heat. He puckered his face in disgust. He hated parties and he hated having to hang out with a bunch of strangers. But he needed to sell drugs so he needed a bit of bravery that came with alcohol.  
He started to come up to people. No one bought from him but it was just the start of the night.  
Sander was already talking to someone new, laughing, and having fun. From time to time, his eyes searched the crowd for Matteo. He had no trouble making new friends. Matteo was living here for almost half a year and the only person he got a bit closer to was Nico.  
Suddenly he noticed a handsome guy coming over to Sander. They shook hands, Sander said something, and the guy laughed. He was tall, had wavy blond hair, and was moving with confidence Matteo envied. He felt sudden anxiety building up. He didn’t want to but his feet were bringing him over to Sander already.  
Sander met him with a smile and introduced him to the guy.  
\- That’s Matteo, my roommate. Matteo, it’s Eliott.  
\- Hi. – Matteo shook his hand.  
\- Hi! I definitely saw you in school before, but we never talked.  
\- Yeah...  
\- I saw you were selling something.  
\- Yeah, do you want some?  
\- How much?  
Like that Matteo got his first customer. Sander watched them silently with an undetectable expression on his face.  
\- You never told me you were selling. – said Sander when Matteo left.  
\- You never asked?  
\- That’s quite an important piece of information that doesn’t always come up to just randomly ask?  
\- ‘that’s Matteo, my roommate’?  
\- That’s different.  
\- Yeah? What's the big deal, roommate?  
\- I said we should take things slow and you agreed. – Sander got visibly pissed. – Anyways don’t want to spoil your hustle.  
And he left. Matteo stood there suddenly feeling like he ran a marathon. He dropped on a nearest couch and thought that he would never sell so much drugs to a bunch of broke international students who are way too scared of getting deported, or worse.  
Party got much more alive as more people arrived. Matteo watched distantly as people were drinking, dancing, making out. He felt so out of place. He saw Sander standing at the other side of the room with Nico, but he didn’t want to come up to him first. He couldn’t get over ‘my roommate’ part as Sander was acting all smiley to that model looking guy.  
Fuck that.  
He needed to smoke. He moved towards the bathroom, navigating between moving, sweating laughing bodies that stopped being humans for a moment and started suffocating Matteo like a one big faceless terrifying mass. He started to have problems with breathing. Someone tried to grab him by his hand, but Matteo pushed them away, as he finally got in the bathroom and locked the door behind him.  
It took him a minute to calm his nervous system. He got inside a bathtub and closed the curtain. He rolled a joint and was ready to light it, when he heard someone breaking into the bathroom with a loud sound of breaking wood that made him jump and drop the remaining weed from grinder in the tub.  
\- Fu...Fuck. – a guy moaned, gagging. And then there were sounds of someone throwing up.  
Matteo opened up a curtain to see who that was. It was a guy kneeling over toilet seat, he was Matteo’s height, had olive skin and dark messy hair that was getting dangerously close to his mouth. He was dressed in black baggy clothes that didn’t reveal anything but somehow Matteo thought that he was fit.  
\- Are you ok?  
The guy replied with another round of vomit as he slightly lifted his arm and gave Matteo a thumbs up.  
Matteo tried to collect weed he dropped in the tub. The sounds of vomit intensified.  
\- Do you need water? – asked Matteo getting out of the tub.  
\- No... no... I’m okay, I ju-just nee need to buarghhhh...  
\- Ok. – said Matteo as he decided that the stranger definitely needed it. He went out and got the first plastic cup he found on the coffee table. Then he returned to the bathroom. The guy seemed to get a bit better, but he was still staying in the same position.  
Matteo filled the cup with tap water and handed it to him  
\- Here.  
A guy took the cup with shaking hands. He got the water in his mouth swished it around and spat it out. He stayed in that position for a moment, then he rolled over the floor, away from the toilet, resting his back against the wall. He had his eyes closed as he tried to fight his urges to vomit some more.  
\- Are you better?  
\- I think I am. – said the stranger, not opening his eyes.  
Matteo didn’t want to leave the guy alone in such a state.  
\- What’s your name? I’m Matteo.  
\- David. – he said and finally looked at Matteo, extending his arm for a handshake. Matteo shook it, his hand was sweaty, but weirdly enough it didn't gross him out.  
\- You broke that door. – said Matteo looking over that poor door that now couldn’t close properly.  
\- I think it wasn’t locked, I swear I didn’t intend to break it...  
\- It’s fine. - laughed Matteo. – I’m not the one who rented the place. Are we going to the same school? I don’t think I saw you before.  
\- We do! I see you sometimes.  
\- Really?  
Matteo tried to remember if he saw David before. In the last couple of months, his mind was occupied with Sander, and sometimes people he knew would tell him that he went right through them on the street not noticing them.  
But he thought he would definitely notice David if he saw him.  
Matteo remembered that he held an untouched joint in his hand.  
\- Do you want to smoke? – Asked Matteo showing him the joint.  
\- Fuck yeah. – said David.  
\- Take the first hit. – Matteo handed him the joint and the lighter. He sat across David on the bath side panel, looking at the flame from the lighter gently colouring the beautiful face of his with reds and yellows. David took a hit and tilted his head back, closing his eyes. Matteo realized he was staring and looked away.  
\- Here. Thank you. – David gave it back. Matteo took the joint and put it between his lips realizing that it was touching David’s lips as well.  
Someone knocked on the open door and when it opened Matteo saw Sander picking through.  
\- Matteo, Nico is not feeling well, we should probably go.  
\- Ok, give me one second.  
Sander disappeared.  
\- Do you know where we could get weed? – asked David. – we looked everywhere but it is hella expensive.  
Matteo silently took a bag of weed out of his jacket’s inner pocket.  
\- Damn. – said David his dark eyes wide. – Do you think I could buy it all from you?  
\- Do you want to buy it all? – asked Matteo not believing his ears.  
\- Yeah.  
\- Sure, - said Matteo. – And I’ll give you a huge discount.


	4. Chapter 4

\- You need to work faster.  
Isak couldn’t concentrate on a task of checking out products. He kept missing some, then checking the same things twice and got flustered when the customers who stood in line impatiently cursed at him.  
\- Hey are you listening? Ok, give me this.  
Luna, the cashier who was mean to Isak just a couple of days ago brusquely took the scanner from his hands and took over.   
\- Ridiculous. – said the rough looking man with a basket full of wine, vodka and tortilla chips that stood behind an old lady . – We can’t wait here the whole day. Do you only have one cashbox?  
Luna gave him a death stare and then smiled.  
\- Sir, please wait a second while I take one out of my ass.  
Man looked like he swallowed something sour, Isak couldn’t help but smile. He mumbled ‘I need to take a break’ while he walked out of the store.  
\- How do you talk to your customers? I need to talk to your manager right now!  
\- Too bad he's not here today.  
\- Then give me his number.  
\- Ok, sir. The number is 1-768-Fuckyou-031.  
Isak felt so much better the minute he left the airless building. The sky was cloudy and it smelled like rain outside..  
He took unfinished joint out of his jeans pocket and realized he forgot a lighter. He felt disappointed. Ever since he started buying weed from David it became the only thing he looked forward to.  
He saw Even walking his usual path to school. He probably was going to filmmaking courses their school held. He wanted to shout his name, say hi, have a little banter, but he stopped himself. It is better to leave things be.  
He went back and ran into the angry man who was leaving without groceries.  
\- You will be sorry about this, you bunch of thugs! – he barked at Isak and slammed the door.  
\- Isak, put away the groceries please. – on contrary Luna looked way more relaxed. Even sweet.  
Isak took the basket that was thrown on the floor and started putting the alcohol away.  
Closer to 8 there were fewer people coming in. Luna left him to clean, close the cashbox and close the store for the first time. He watched youtube videos on his phone to kill the time.  
Two guys entered the store, a handsome tall Italian dude with a beautiful blonde guy. They went between the shelves and sometimes Isak would hear the laughter and kissing noises. They weren’t troublesome like some other customers but still they were here for a while and soon Isak would have to ask them to leave, so he could close the store.  
\- We are closing soon! – Isak said loud enough so they could hear. The couple came to the desk. Brunette was holding a pack of beer, a lighter, coughing pills and a bunch of condoms. He looked coldly at Isak.  
\- It says on the door that you are closing in 30 minutes.  
Isak in was exhausted from the school and his shift and he had to clean the whole damn place by himself.  
\- Yes, but we always are closing about 30-20 minutes before the closing hours.  
\- Why?  
Isak started checking his items and replied without looking at him.  
\- We aren’t paid for the time after the closing hour and we have to do some work after.  
\- You know why he wants us to leave soon. It’s because we’re gay.  
\- What?.. No…   
\- Where’s Luna?  
\- It’s not her shift. I’m sorry.  
The dude silently paid with his card and left, giving Isak a side look.  
Isak felt incredibly pissed and tired. He closed the store, put the headphones on and started angrily wiping the floor.  
When he finished all he wanted to do was to get to his bed and never get up.  
He started counting the cash, trying not to fall asleep standing.  
They were 50 euros short. He couldn’t believe it. He started to count again, when he thought someone scream ‘f*ggot’ outside through his headphones. Probably his imagination.  
Someone screamed and this time Isak couldn’t ignore it. He took a pepper spray that they held under a cashbox and went out of the door.  
He saw a bunch of guys cornering someone and shouting slurs at him.  
\- Hey – Isak shouted, gripping tightly on the pepper spray. He felt adrenalin rushing through his veins as he saw a couple of heads turning his way.  
He should’ve. The guys were looking at Isak now. They were all older and bigger. Then suddenly they heard the police siren and ran away.  
\- Are you ok? I’ll call the police…  
Isak was trying to unblock his phone with shaking hands.  
\- No, please don’t. I’m alright. – said the guy. – Are you Isak, David’s roommate?  
\- Yes, I am… Are you sure? Who are these guys?  
\- That’s my fault. I lost their drugs I needed to sell. So I was wondering maybe I could lend some from David, since I cannot pay these guys anyways...   
\- Wait, do you know me?  
\- Yes, we go to the same school and I talk to David, so…  
\- Oh, ok, well. We can go to our apartment right now, but I need to close the store. What’s your name?  
\- Axel.  
\- Ok, wait a minute, I’ll be back.  
***  
David stared at his phone, praying his sister would call him. He called her 13 times.  
He felt so much guilt. He left his home to prevent this and yet it was happening.  
They were creating lies about him. Disgusting hurtful lies that even made some of his own friends and family call him and ask if it’s true. Then they started trying to get his sister fired.  
That made David realize that he needed to disappear. He hated to feel like he was giving up, but he couldn’t let them ruin his sister’s life. Maybe if he left, they would leave her alone.  
They didn’t.  
Someone knocked on the door.  
\- David, we made meatballs, come have some with us!  
No matter what was happening his new life was such an upgrade. Everybody treated him like a person he knew he was. If only his past would just leave him alone.  
\- I’m coming! – David texted his sister with ‘call me back please’.  
He came out of his room and the smell of meatballs made his stomach ache for food.  
\- Wait you guys made it?.. – David couldn’t believe it.  
\- Robbe made it.  
\- Well… They’re just frozen meatballs, I didn’t make them technically. But the sauce is amazing. I mean I just mixed mayo with ketchup to be honest but it is surprisingly good?  
\- Who would’ve thought. – said David genuinely impressed.  
\- I know you said you can’t lend Axel your weed, because you need to sell it, but I wish you saw these guys who were trying to threaten him. They were serious. - said Isak.  
\- I know. I wish I could, but… but I need money for now.  
\- For what?  
\- None of your business? – said David, feeling his ears burning. If his sister really was fired because of him he felt obligated to help her out at least financially. But he couldn’t just tell them his story without telling them everything he was trying to be discreet about.  
\- Ookay… - said Isak and then there was this awkward pause. – Sorry.  
David’s phone rang. He went to his room closing the door behind him.  
\- Hey, I was calling you for ages, you never picked up!  
\- I know I’m sorry David. I’m so hangover…  
\- What happened?..  
\- Well I was fired, it is true. But it was not only because of… that. Please. Just focus on yourself. Parents already said they will help me out for some time… And I’ll file a report. I  
David felt tears coming up his throat.  
\- Well I guess now they will leave you alone. – said David. - 6 reports later they will finally listen to you.  
\- That’s all I can do…  
\- Come here! Fuck that town. We can live here together and start over.  
\- I really can’t.  
\- I don’t understand why they still trying to get to you when I’m gone…  
\- Well they…. Ok, but please don’t freak out. I never told them anything. But they asked where did you leave. They basically tried to blackmail me into saying it. Told me they have my photos they can use to get me fired.  
\- What?!!  
\- Listen, my boss was already a sexist asshole. It had nothing to do with you. Just gave him an excuse.   
\- I wish you just told them…  
\- Listen! – Laura sighed. – Don’t think about that. You have to focus on your school. Just be a normal kid, okay? Don’t waste that chance, leave the bullshit behind you.  
\- Ok. – David felt helpless and small. – Please, be safe.  
\- I will.  
David was just sitting on his bed trying to calm his mind down. How could he think that he could start over and have a chance at a normal life? So naive… They will never, ever leave him alone.  
What has he done to them to deserve that? David couldn’t understand any of it, it just didn’t make sense.  
Sure he and Laura went to a very conservative religious school and stood out. First Laura was outed when she started dating a girl. Then David came back after one summer looking and feeling different. Maybe they felt that they both had no one to protect them. Their parents did not understand them at all.   
He tried to remember the kids that bullied them at school, wondering which one of them was dedicated enough to torture them even now. It felt like their faces were burning holes in David's head.  
\- David, are you okay?  
David jumped. Isak coming into his room without knocking really triggered some deep seeded fear in him.  
\- Can you knock?  
\- I know I’m sorry… You just sounded very…  
\- Seriously Isak, please don’t burst into my room without knocking.  
\- I mean what’s the big deal? – Isak’s tone changed from concerned to salty. – You are acting weird lately, can you explain what’s going on, maybe we can help?  
\- No you can’t. - David stood feeling like he needed fresh air. – Just knock like a normal person next time, that’s it!  
David went past Isak and left their apartment. He started walking faster and faster till he ran, feeling like he was being chased. It felt good to let all that anxious energy out and his lungs aching for air made him satisfied. He ran for about half an hour, till he stopped at the coast. The scent of ocean and the sound of waves calmed him down and he started moving closer to the water.  
Laura was right. There’s not much he could do about any of this, other than live as happy as he could. That was the only thing in his power. He wished they didn’t target Leonie though.  
He picked up a stone and threw it into the ocean, imagining it be his stalker.  
\- David! – someone called his name.  
David turned around, feeling his heart sinking, he paranoidly thought it was them.  
But that was that guy that sold him weed at the party.  
\- Hey. – said David.  
\- Hey! – said Matteo grinning. He was holding a bicycle. He was wearing sweatpants, a hoodie and a granpas cardigan on top of it. – a bit windy today eh? I was riding a bicycle here when I saw you, thought I would say hi.  
David smiled uncertainly. He didn’t feel like he had anything in him to talk with people, that’s why he came here. But something in Matteo’s presence felt calming, cozy, almost home like.  
There was a pause, longer than Matteo anticipated.  
\- Well, hi! – said Matteo still grinning.  
David laughed at the awkwardness, but the laughter felt like opening for tears and he didn’t want that.  
\- Maybe we can hang out for a bit? – asked Matteo, slightly tilting his head studying David’s face. – I don’t have anything planned, so…   
\- Yeah, sure. – said David and went past Matteo fast, so he could get ahead and make sure he doesn’t burst in tears in front of him.  
They started walking across the water.  
\- You actually helped me so much by buying weed from me.  
\- Yeah, it helped my situation too. – said David. He was able to sell the big part of it. Even if he didn’t have to help Laura, he still needed to pay for himself.   
\- Why did you come here?  
\- Well... I kind of killed someone.  
Matteo chuckled.  
\- Actually, would you mind introducing me to your dealer? – asked David.  
\- Um. – Matteo looked up, thinking. – He asked me not to bring anyone to him. But… maybe we can figure it out, you know.  
\- I would love it. – said David. With his peripheral vision he noticed that Matteo held his gaze on his face a bit too long. David looked at Matteo back and he turned his head in the other direction. – I actually almost sold all of it and that would be great if I could get some from you again.  
\- Well I can definitely help you with that. But we would need to go to our place then, cause I don’t have it on me.  
\- Let’s go.  
They walked side by side, having casual banter. David felt better talking to him. Having someone laugh at his silly jokes felt nice. Especially if it is a cute boy.  
\- When did you start smoking?  
\- Oh man, I don’t even remember, I think I was about 13. What about you?  
\- I don’t actually smoke that much… - said David. He liked smoking, it would make him relaxed and calm. But also he didn’t like wasting away his evenings on this, feeling drowsy and unproductive. So he almost never smoked alone. He would always smoke when his friends smoke. Well… ex friends.  
\- I smoke everyday. – said Matteo. – I think that’s the best thing in this fucked up world.  
\- The best thing? Really?  
\- Yeah. You think there’s something better? I mean I never tried anything heavier than weed anyways, but weed makes you feel good and it doesn’t cause any dependence, so that’s good. And it is not bad for your health.  
\- That’s pretty low standards for the best thing in the world. – said David, now looking at Matteo.  
\- Well, whatever happens, the world can burn, you can go through hell, people can leave and you still have these moments of clarity and peace with it. It is priceless.   
\- That is more of a ritual then.  
\- Yeah I guess. But what’s the best thing in the world for you then?  
David took a pause, thinking.  
\- I think if we are talking about rituals, then running is my all time favorite.  
\- Running? What?..  
\- Yeah. – David chuckled. – I just love how it gives me the feeling of achievement while being so simple like getting from point a to point b, and when you run far enough the thoughts in your head melt away and for brief seconds before your body starts getting tired and you need to stop you feel so much freedom and joy. I can’t think of anything else. And maybe drawing as well.  
\- Sander loves drawing. – said Matteo suddenly looking more sad than usual.  
\- Who’s Sander? – asked David.  
\- My…. Boyfriend. – said Matteo not looking at David. These words sobered David and brought him back to reality. He needs to focus on him and on surviving high school. He’s not in the right place to look for a boyfriend, girlfriend, or whatever -friend.  
\- It’s a new kid? He seems pretty cool.  
\- Yeah.  
They walked in silence after but it didn’t feel awkward at all. They eventually came to Matteo’s apartment. Matteo asked if David was hungry, which he was, he didn’t eat a single bite of the amazing meatballs Robbe made and he also ran for quite a bit. Matteo made some awful sandwiches with David’s assistance and then they were talking about everything David wouldn’t talk about with anyone else, it felt safe and exciting with Matteo. He talked about his favorite bands, movies and his plans and dreams. It felt like he knew Matteo for a very long time, it felt right. He couldn’t talk details about his past still. After a few attempts of decoding David’s half jokes about his past Matteo stopped trying to. He seemed like he had a secret or two of his own and David decided to honor it, because Matteo didn’t insist on him revealing the whole truth about himself and he didn’t jump to any conclusions about him either.  
Time went so quick and it was already dark outside. They were still chatting in the kitchen, David was sketching Matteo on a napkin, while talking aboutan upcoming game.  
\- I think it’s a bit overhyped and I don’t really know what to expect.  
\- I mean it’s always like that with indie games, but devs seem to be pretty cool…  
\- Yeah ‘pretty cool’. – said Matteo mimicking David.  
\- Shut up, I don’t sound like that. – laughed David, he crumpled his napkin-sketch and threw it at him. Matteo caught it, smoothed it out and look surprised to see his own face drawn with pen. He looked at David with this ‘I’m glad you’re here’ look and David felt warmth in his stomach.  
\- It’s amazing. – said Matteo, smiling widely. – I love it.  
\- Just a doodle, nothing special. – Said David trying to sound casual, but he couldn’t stop himself from smiling back.   
They both flinched when they heard the door open.  
\- Matteo, you’re here? – Robbe appeared on the doorway. – Oh. Hi!  
\- Hey. – said David smiling politely.  
\- Hi my beautiful boyfriend. – Said Sander coming over to Matteo and giving him a long kiss on the lips.  
\- Are you ok? – asked Matteo looking confused. – Are you high?  
\- Me? Of course not! You know me just walking around a new city the whole day, with no friends, having so much fun. Won’t you introduce me to your guest?  
\- That’s Robbe, my boyfriend. It’s David, I met him at the party.  
\- Hi David. – said Robbe. – Hey what’s this?  
He noticed a napkin and David felt uncomfortable.  
\- Wow, it’s pretty cool. I love abstract art.  
It was his way of saying David’s drawing sucked.  
\- Ok, I better go…  
***  
\- Are you pissed at me?  
Matteo felt guilty although nothing he did was wrong.  
\- No, I’m not pissed at you. I’m pissed at myself.  
\- Why?  
\- I don’t know, – Sander was in the middle of frying eggs for himself and Matteo. – Everything is just weird and overwhelming. I think I was expecting something different and I’m mad at myself, because it’s not true.  
Matteo felt hurt, although he knew it was true for him too. A little bit. He still liked Sander a lot, but he didn’t expect them to be so different. Interestingly, he felt closer to Sander when they were in long distance relationship. It bothered him.  
\- I’m sorry for the morning. – said Matteo, feeling like his throat was closing off from anxiety. – I shouldn’t have yelled at you for texting whoever your were texting. I should’ve trusted you.   
\- I’m sorry too. – said Sander, still standing with his back turned to Matteo.  
\- Sorry for what? – asked Matteo feeling his anxiety building up.  
Sander sighed.  
\- I’m sorry if you feel like it’s your fault. It’s all in my mind you know. I’m so scared of being alone and then I go and…  
Matteo came to Sander and hugged him from behind.  
\- And then you go and what? – softly asked Matteo, feeling like Sander was shaking a bit. – Are you okay?  
\- I’m fine I’m just so scared you are going to dump me and I’m not going to have anyone here. I don’t want to end up alone…  
\- You are not going to. – Said Matteo trying to sound reassuring. – Have you seen yourself? You will have no problem in finding a boyfriend.  
Sander sniffed his nose.  
\- I guess I’m just stressed from moving and new school.  
Matteo looked over Sander shoulders and saw that eggs were were already a bit overcooked.  
\- I think they are ready. – said Matteo, kissing Sander on the back of his neck.  
\- Yeah. – said Sander, and then poured the eggs into two plates that were on the table.   
They ate their meal in mostly silence with Sander being on the phone and Matteo trying his best not to look like he cared who Sander was texting to.  
\- Are there any napkins? – asked Sander and then he noticed the David’s sketch on the table again. He took the sketch in his hands looking at it. – David has an interesting style.  
\- He does – said Matteo worryingly looking at the napkin. For whatever reason he wished Sander never saw it and it stayed hidden and safe in Matteo’s pocket. – He also loves to draw. I bet you two would get along.   
\- Yeah. – said Sander and then he wiped his finger with the sketch, crumbled it and threw it into a trash can.


End file.
